On the Homestretch...

Needless to say I haven't upheld my promise for more pictures. Soon, I hope. It seems like such an easy task, but where does the time go? I know - the NICU!

The babies are doing so well, and mostly just working on their feedings now. Kai is 5 pounds, 1 ounce and Katherine is 4 pounds 6 ounces. We have come a looooonnng way. They are 9 weeks old today. I look back at 9 weeks ago and the time has gone fairly fast, but yet has taken forever. We've been through a lot these last few months. But my little monkey's are some tough babies, that's for sure!

Kai had his surgery to repair his inguinal hernia a week ago. I didn't sleep a wink the night before, and arrived just as soon as they'd let me through those doors the morning of the surgery. As I walked towards their bed, I realized only Katherine was in it, and tears came to my eyes immediately. He was already over in the intensive care side, and she was alone in the step-down unit. I hated seeing them apart. I snuggled with her for a little while, then made my way over to Kai. His little IV was already started, and I saw a poke in his other hand where they must have missed the first attempt. I thought he would be quite angry since he wasn't allowed to eat anything, but he was perfectly content in my arms. Rich arrived a couple hours later, and we spoke with both the surgeon and the anesthesiologist. They were running an hour late, but it was okay by me because I wasn't quite ready to let go of him.

They put him in a little transport bed, and he was happy as could be sucking on his binkie. He had no idea what was to come. It was pretty emotional, to say the least. Rich and I had a quick lunch in the cafeteria while he was in the O.R., then came back and stayed with Katherine. When he got back from surgery, he was still intubated. His nurse Emily (we love Emily!)told us that they were thinking of extubating him back in the O.R. cuz he was breathing so well over top of the ventilator. Thank goodness they didn't. As time went on, he stopped breathing less and less on his own and depended on the ventilator. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like watching your baby boy just lie there, unresponsive, not opening his eyes, not moving, letting a machine take mechanical breaths for him. Ugh, I can't even think about it right now. We waited and waited for him to wake up so they could take the tube out of his throat, and we waited and waited some more. We were running back and forth between the two nurseries from Kai to Katherine. And soon it was 2am and we were struggling with whether to stay all night, or if we should go home and try to sleep for a few hours and come back right away in the morning.

We ended up going home for a few hours, although I can't say that I slept. We had the phone nearby in case the nurse called saying they extubated him. But it didn't ring all night. Their night nurse Louise called at 6:30am for an update, and he was still intubated. We were at the door before 8am, and then they let us inside. It was another 4 1/2 hours until they decided to pull the tube out. We decided it might be best for us not to watch him get the tube out, so we stayed with Katherine. After 15 minutes or so, they let us come see him. It was just as heartbreaking. He was struggling to breathe and the muscles in his little chest were retracting in a way I've never seen any other baby do. It was scary and horrible to watch. I'll never forget it. There were talks of reintubating him or putting him back on CPAP. My heart sank at the thought of either of these, but I wanted something done quickly. He couldn't struggle like that. They ended up giving him two breathing treatments to try to loosen up his swollen airway, then put him inside a 'tent' and blew in cool moist air. We couldn't touch him for 24 hours. It was so difficult to watch him struggle to breathe, inside his tent, touching his feet with the plastic barrier in the way.

During all this time, Katherine missed her brother so much that she stopped eating well, stopped sleeping well, and stopped gaining weight. The 'twin bond' is absolutely true with my little twins. She just couldn't figure out where her brother was, and it made her very upset. My mellow little girl found a voice in her and cried more in 3 days than she has her whole life. I have to admit that those 3 days were some of the toughest emotional days so far in this NICU ordeal.

Friday Kai was breathing better and we were finally able to hold him. Unfortunately the two days after Kai's surgery we didn't have 'primary nurses' taking care of either baby. We have 7 primary nurses who take care of them each shift they work, so the continuity of care is wonderful. The two days it mattered most, none of them were there. That was very difficult also. Katherine had a huge event where she dropped her oxygen saturation and heart rate for 3 1/3 minutes, and Rich had the pleasure of observing this (I was in the other side of the nursery with Kai). The nurse froze, and never even gave her oxygen. Needless to say, I was livid that she let my baby girl have a lack in oxygen for that long. Friday night, after much persuasion on our part, Kai and Katherine were back together.

It's now a week after his surgery and this is all behind us. I still get emotional when I think about the stress we went through during those 3 days. What makes me very emotional also is the fact that Kai is coming home in 2 days!!!! Yup, he's ready to come home! I am thrilled to have him finally home with us, but I'm so torn over the fact that Katherine will need to stay in the NICU for another 2-3 weeks. How do I leave one baby behind at the NICU? How is that possible? We've tried everything to prolong Kai's stay, for Katherine's sake, however the insurance company will no longer pay for Kai past Friday. They say he's ready to go, so he's gotta go. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate insurance companies? They have no idea what it will do to my little baby girl.

We got the approval from the manager and one of the docs to bring Kai along with us when we visit. However, he won't be able to be in the same bed as Katherine due to infection control. So I guess I will have to hold them close to each other as much as possible. It's going to be tough toting Kai back and forth to and from the NICU to see Katherine, and the poor boy is going to spend many hours in his carseat. But I'm mostly concerned over Katherine, because she just loves her brother so much. You'd be absolutely amazed.

I also went back to work 1 1/2 weeks ago, temporarily, until the babies come home. I have decided to continue working while Kai is home, and will take my 6 weeks of paid family leave once they are both home with us. It's going to be terribly difficult, but Rich and I will take turns going to work, and thankfully my schedule is very flexible during this time as I am not doing direct patient care. I have to keep thinking that it is only temporary. This is all only temporary, and it will be over soon. We are on the homestretch...