In due time...

Who could have imagined that life as a NICU mom would be so busy? My days are consumed with waking up, pumping, showering, pumping, going to the NICU, pumping, holding the babies, pumping, feeding the babies, pumping, maybe eating in there somewhere, and maybe a little more pumping. Thankfully I have a hospital-grade pump at home and I can use the NICU's pumps while sitting at the babies' bedside. It's still so difficult to leave their bedside, even to run to the cafeteria for lunch. I don't spend many waking hours at home, so I apologize for not putting more pictures up recently. We will download a few more pictures and I will get them on here soon.

Kai and Katherine are doing amazing, as always. Over the past couple weeks, we have been working mostly on eating, sleeping, and growing. They have not had many 'events' in the past few days, and we are in the clear of ever needing CPAP again! Well, never say never, right? But they are doing so well with their breathing, and they only have an occasional drop in heart-rate or oxygen saturation while eating.

Kai is just over 4 pounds and Katherine is around 3 pounds, 4 ounces! My little oinkers! They are learning how to breastfeed and bottlefeed now, and they eat every 3 hours. We breastfeed once a day and they bottlefeed once or twice a day. The other feedings go through their NG tube so that they can conserve their energy. Feeding is a lot of work for them and it is literally exhausting for them. They sleep very easily after eating, which is good because preterm babies grow when they sleep.

They are 35 weeks now, and have been delivered for 6 weeks! It seems like just yesterday that they were born, yet these past 6 weeks have taken forever. We are hoping to have them home by their due date, and the thought of another 5 weeks in the NICU is hard on the heart. Being a labor and delivery nurse, I know what 35 weekers do, how they eat, etc, and I'm finding it very difficult in the last couple days when comparing Katherine and Kai to a 35 weeker who was just born. I never really thought much about preterm babies who need to physically learn how to eat. Both breast and bottle feeding are taking some time, whereas a typical 35 weeker would know just what to do. I cannot do this to myself, nor to my beautiful babies. There is absolutely no comparison to the type of growth and development that takes place in the uterus vs. in the outside world. They say that for every 1 week in the womb, it's like 2 weeks in the NICU. I know my babies will learn how to eat and will do wonderful with it soon. And I need to keep my patience, because they have come so far, really....so incredibly far from where we were 6 weeks ago. I can't help but want to push them and get them home in my arms. But they will get there, in 'due' time.

So Much to Be Thankful For

Our First Thanksgiving Together


Miniature Rich


Big Yawns for Kai


Reading Time


Snuggling with My Little Monkeys


Eskimo Kisses for Daddy and Katherine


Our Sweet Baby Girl


This was by far the best Thanksgiving we have ever had. We spent most of the day with our babies in the NICU, and it couldn't have been more perfect. Both Katherine and Kai were off CPAP and doing very well. Katherine was put back on just a few days earlier, but proved herself to once again be the tough little girl and kept taking it off herself. The doctors concluded that if she was feisty enough to take it off by herself, she must not really need it. Smart girl. (She must have her mama's brains! :) Kai was taken off the same day, and of course couldn't let his sister show him up. They have been breathing on their own ever since!

Katherine will still have her occasional 'event' where she drops her heart-rate, oxygen saturation, and turns a lovely dusky color. She typically comes back up with a little stimulation, although she sometimes needs some oxygen to help her out. The doctors threatened CPAP again to give her a break from working so hard to breathe on her own, but that very same night she didn't have a single event. She must have really hated that CPAP!

Kai has both an umbilical hernia and an inguinal (groin) hernia. Apparently it is common with preemie boys, as their stomach muscles are not mature enough to hold the intestines in place. The inguinal hernia will need to be operated on, however they do not want to do surgery until he is over 2 kilo's (around 4.4 pounds). Anesthesia is too risky if they weigh less than that. It's risky enough as it is! I hate the thought of my poor little boy needing surgery, and I dread that day so much. But it has to be done and the doctors say that if he needs to have surgery at all, this is the best kind of surgery to need. It's still not easy as the mom, though.

Both babies are not absorbing calcium from their nutrition properly, and are instead taking the calcium away from their bones. If they continue to do so, they will have very brittle bones. So they are currently on the highest dose of medication to supplement their calcium, and have also started on multivitamins. The doctors are a little confused why their levels are not getting better, but hopefully things will look better on their next lab draw on Monday.

Back to the good news: The babies are now co-bedding! Meaning, they are in the same bed together! Studies have shown that preemies do amazingly well with stabalizing their heart-rates and breathing when they are co-bedding. So far it seems to be working pretty well. They are absolutely adorable together. It's so incredible to watch them interact. My favorite time is when they are facing each other, both wide awake, just staring at one another. You've got to wonder what they are thinking! (So you're the one who was kicking me all the time in mama's tummy...) A couple days ago they were holding each other's hands, all on their own. Katherine also likes to put her hands in Kai's face, or even in his mouth. Today the nurse told me that Katherine was trying to suck on Kai's nose before I arrived. She might be little, but she sure has a mind of her own.

We have certainly been on quite the rollercoaster ride over the past few weeks. Just when we think things couldn't get any better, the next day we take a few steps back. I am cautious to get too excited at how well they are doing because I don't want my emotions to completely fall off that rollercoaster. I have to just keep on riding.

We are so incredibly thankful to have the best medical care possible, to have family and friends that support us and love us and encourage us, to be given the chance to become parents, for each and every day and the new milestones they meet, and of course for our sweet little Katherine and adorable little Kai.

Kai Michael and Katherine Elizabeth...my precious little miracles

Our first family photo


Sweet Katherine, so alert and comfy in her incubator


Kai cuddling with daddy


Together again on mama's chest


Our precious little miracles have arrived!
November 12th, 2008
3:35 pm
Kai Michael: 2 pounds, 7 ounces
Katherine Elizabeth: 1 pound, 15 ounces


So it turns out that I still don't know what heartburn feels like, but I do know what it feels like to have my liver breaking down and my kidneys stop perfusing...
Those dreaded night-time hours of pain that I wrote about in two previous entries turned out to be pre-eclampsia, otherwise known as toxemia or pregnancy induced hypertension. Maybe it was the nurse in me being a bad patient, or maybe it was a bit of denial...probably both.

On Tuesday, November 11th I was admitted to my hospital because my labs were abnormal. My blood pressures were elevated, my liver enzymes were quite high, and my platelets were dropping. My urine output began declining, and soon a plan was made for me to deliver the next day by c-section. The only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery. I couldn't believe this was happening and I just wanted to fast forward time to 34 or even 32 weeks. I didn't sleep a wink, not even 30 seconds that night. Rich fell fast asleep to the sound of our babies' heartbeats while I layed there wide awake, thinking of each and every scenario possible. It was definitely a moment where ignorance is bliss, and I just knew too much.

In the morning, my doctor came in and we talked about transferring to UCSD where they have a Level 3 NICU. La Jolla only has a Level 2 NICU, and even though UCSD is not known for their stellar L&D/post-partum nursing care, the NICU is wonderful at UCSD. We wanted to do what was best for the babies, even if it was scary going to a hospital where I didn't know anyone. This wasn't about me though. It was about these babies, and soon I was loaded into an ambulance and on my way to the U. I had medication called Magnesium Sulfate that makes you feel like you're on fire (even my eyeballs felt hot!) and very loopy.

My parents arrived shortly after I was transferred to UCSD. Heather came down as well, and my friend Jamie was also by my side, who just happened to be my L&D nurse at La Jolla and was allowed to leave work to be there with us. I am so thankful she was there. A nurse practitioner spoke with us about all of the possible complications and what to expect of our tiny 29 weekers in the NICU. It was impossible to focus on her (partly from the magnesium) and everything she was saying, and I felt like bursting into tears but had to swallow hard and keep my composure.

Soon Rich, Heather and I were in the OR, and within minutes of cutting our beautiful babies were born. Kai was born first, and gave a little squeal as he arrived into this world. Katherine was immediately to follow, (both born at 3:35pm) but we didn't hear a peep out of her. That was incredibly nervewracking. Both babies were quickly wisked away by the team of doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists. Things all seemed to run together at this point, and my thoughts were consumed with 'why didn't Katherine cry?' and 'why did Kai stop crying.' My arms began to jerk uncontrollably off of the armboards, part of the hyper-reflexia from the pre-eclampsia. I was trying so hard to stop shaking and jerking around, and kept thinking, 'just don't have a seizure in front of Rich.'

Back in the recovery room I was given some medication to help the jerking and shaking, which worked really well. My blood pressures were almost completely normal again. I was still very hazy and hot from the magnesium, but I was with it enough to wonder why nobody was telling us how our babies were doing. Two incredibly long hours later, Rich was allowed to go into the NICU. I wanted so badly to be there with him, but I was stuck in my bed, barely being able to move my legs. I was so determined to get in there that I encouraged my nurse that I was just fine and began trying like crazy to start moving. Thankfully she gave in and they pushed me on the gurney into the NICU, Jamie at the head of my bed.

I am finding it impossible to explain my emotions and first thoughts when I met my baby girl Katherine for the first time. In fact, I am flooded with tears just thinking about it. She was so tiny, but so perfect. So many wires and tubes. I was instantly in love and wanted to scoop her up and hold her tight. But all I could do was reach out and touch her gently. Kai had a privacy shield around his radiant warmer and the doctors were performing a sterile procedure on him to place his lines, so I was not able to see him immediately. But soon they wheeled my bed over to see my precious little boy. He was still covered with the sterile field, but I was able to reach out and touch his little hands. So perfect. My perfect, tiny little babies that I have been waiting so long to meet. I'm not sure how I kept my composure, to be honest. Nurses were explaining things to me, but I don't remember a word anyone said. I could barely focus on their faces, let alone listen to their conversation. I just wanted to scoop my babies up and run out of there, to fast-forward time to when they are absolutely healthy and strong. It was incredibly overwhelming to think about the road ahead.

My post-partum experience was interesting, to say the least. Let's just say that I'm thankful I'm an L&D nurse and know what 'should' be going on with my care. I tracked my own urine output, which was slow to get back to normal, and made the CNA's double check or triple check my blood pressures when they were high. I dictated my own medication schedule, as some nurses would completely forget to give me some of my meds. Heather stayed with me the first night and Rich went home with my parents. Rich stayed with me the next three nights. On Saturday, my sisters and brother-in-law showed up at the hospital and completely surprised me. I was so happy to see their faces and couldn't wait for them to meet our babies.

Rich and I are each allowed to bring one visitor at a time into the NICU. It was so amazing to watch the interaction between my parents and my sisters with Kai and Katherine. In a way it made me feel very lonely though. Being 2000 miles away from your family during times like these is pretty tough. During our hospital stay, we were flooded with gorgeous flowers and many voicemails of support, well wishes, and encouragement. Thank you to everyone for all of your support.

The first two weeks of life have been a whirlwind for the babies, and for us as parents. I think we've felt every single emotion under the sun. Initially after birth, both babies were breathing only with the assistance of CPAP, continuous positive airway pressure. Basically there are 2 little tubes that go inside of their nostrils that blow continous air into their lungs to keep them inflated. They didn't require oxygen with the cpap, only the pressure to help them breathe. Through the first night, they must have gotten tired and they were both intubated, which is a mechanical device that breathes for them. That was very short-lived, and the next day they were both back on CPAP. The PICC-line team attempted twice to insert a PICC line into Kai, but were unsuccessful. A PICC line is somewhat like an IV, but it goes all the way into their hearts and can stay in place for months. Through this is where they get their fluids, nutrition, and medications. A few days after they were born, Kai's nurse from the Ukraine named Borus was taking care of him, who also just happens to be on the 'PICC team.' He has a very thick accent and is terribly difficult to understand at times, but he is an encyclopedia worth of knowledge and I trusted him instantly with my precious boy. Borus was finally able to get Kai's PICC line in! It's a huge feat, as the procedure itself really takes a toll on the baby. Katherine was able to get her PICC line placed the very same night, on the first attempt.

Both babies had open PDA's, which is a valve in the heart that should close after delivery. They both recieved one round of medication which successfully closed both of their PDA's. If the PDA doesn't close after three rounds of meds, then it requires surgery, so needless to say we were ecstatic to hear they both closed after only one dose. Kai was neutropenic (very prone for infection) and needed a dose of medication to stimulate his bone marrow to produce more white blood cells, and it also worked after only one dose. Katherine began breathing on her own on day 3 of life! Strong little peanut! Kai has been on CPAP the majority of the past two weeks, with a couple trials off of it here and there. His poor little nose was getting really swollen and bloody, so I am so thankful to say that he has now been off of it and breathing on his own for the past two days. Both babies had fluid in their lungs, which is common with preemies, and both were given a diuretic to pull the fluid out. A few days ago Katherine was getting a little tired of breathing and would 'forget' every now and then, so she had to go back on CPAP for a day and half. Her nose starting getting very sore and bloody also, and she kept fighting it and taking it off herself. So they decided to let her try to breathe on her own again, and so far so good! It makes me so happy to see them both breathing all on their own.

After each dropping a few ounces (which is quite a bit when you weigh less than 2 pounds!), both babies are now just over their birth weights. Katherine joined the 2 pound club two days ago! We think Kai is going to look more like his Daddy. He certainly already has Daddy's personality. It's hard to say who Katherine looks like right now because she is just so tiny and needs to grow into her features still. We think she will have my eyes. She is a very mellow little girl and nothing much bothers her. She doesn't even cry when she's bare naked on the scale. However, if she doesn't like something, she certainly can speak her mind. Maybe her personality will be more like her mama's.

Rich went back to work last week, and I basically spent each waking moment at their bedside. It is incredibly difficult to be at home. I have this overwhelming sense of guilt if I'm not there, and I think about them 24/7. I already know them better than any nurse there, so I just like to be there 'just in case.' They are in wonderful hands though, and we couldn't be happier with the NICU care. I am pumping literally every 2-3 hours for them, even at night. I don't sleep much, but I have absolutely no complaints over it. I'm not a typical mom who can 'sleep when they sleep.' No napping for me. The only thing I do at home is eat, pump, and sleep. Maybe once the babies are a little bigger and stronger I'll be able to spend enough time at home to at least clean a little bit. We'll see.

We've certainly had a rocky road into parenthood, but Rich and I couldn't be happier right now. I think this has brought us even closer together. We balance each other out, and when one is feeling down, the other tries to bring them up. We love these babies more than anything else. I never knew this kind of love existed.

My two beautiful, perfect, tiny monkeys...

A Poem to Share

My friend and coworker wrote this incredible poem and framed it with a beautiful background, and I will cherish it always. It brought me to tears within the first few lines, and continues to do so each time I read it. I couldn't help but share...Thank you so much Ashlee!


A little girl, a little boy,
Will fill your heart with so much joy.

The pitter patter of four little feet,
Will fill your home a sound so sweet.

A journey so long the end is near,
Two babies crying a blessing to hear.

Open your arms and take them in,
Being mommy and daddy is about to begin.

You'll hold sweet Katherine and cute little Kai,
Imagining your future this you will try.

You'll bring them home and love them so true,
Thankful to have them in everything you do.

Each new moment a miracle to see,
Surrounded by love this they will be.

Cherish your days and night times too,
Your beautiful angels will be looking at you.

A precious bond's been made right from the start,
Each one loving you back with their own sweet heart.

Dreading the Darkness

Let me first just start out by saying how much I love being pregnant...during the day! But I find myself dreading the night-time hours more and more lately.

We're not quite sure what the problem is yet...either it's severe heartburn (common especially in a twin pregnancy) or just that my organs are shifting so much because there's not much room left in there for two babies and everything else! Either way, it's extremely uncomfortable. When the pain hits, it feels like a knife is being jabbed into my stomach, and it radiates in a band around my abdomen and into my back. There is no comfortable position that I can get into, and it's hard to sit still for more than 10 seconds at a time. At times I will pace the living room, but then I find myself contracting too much, so then I need to take my terbutaline. So I'm left with a racing heart, difficulty taking a deep breath, a knife in my stomach, a back that begins to spasm, and contractions every couple of minutes. This typically continues for 5-6 hours in the middle of the night. I'm barely eating during the day, especially at dinner, as I'm fearful of the lack of digestion, but at the same time I know I need to be eating more than this right now. I throw up a few times a night now also, even despite the bland food, small amounts, water-only diet...and a carton of tums, tasty cherry Mylanta, and Zantac.

I had some labs drawn today, just to make sure there is nothing going on with my liver. I'm confident those labs will be normal. And I know this is all temporary and will soon pass. And each time I feel these two little monkey's moving around, I am reminded that all of these crazy pregnancy woe's are more than worth it. In the meantime, I guess it's preparing me for the lack of sleep to come in our future...

Laughter is the Best Medicine!!

Let the laughter begin!


"Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe"


Rich took the ladies to Orfila Winery


The patio at Orfila


Aunt Judy with Val Kilmer on Halloween!


"I Met Him at the Candy Store..."


A family who wears silly hats stays together!


So they always say that laughter is the best medicine, and I must agree with this! My family from Wisconsin and Illinois came to visit for a few days, and while they were here they had a baby shower for me. Rich and I recently had been dealt some more rocky news, so having them here put my mind at ease and did wonders on lifting my spirits. They couldn't have come at a more perfect time!

Our babies have once again dropped in growth percentiles - they are now only in the 2nd percentile. The doc's are concerned that each time we do a growth scan, they are dropping more and more off that normal curve. Their placentas are both small, thus contributing to their slow growth. We will begin weekly testing, and if they don't meet certain criteria, we will have to deliver them early. There comes a point when babies do better on the outside than they do on the inside, especially if their placentas aren't giving them the nourishment they need to grow. Now it's a battle of which will come first: me going into labor too soon, or needing to deliver the babies early because of their growth issues. The phrase 'double trouble' seems to be pretty accurate lately.

As far as the contractions go, I still have them and I still need to take my terbutaline. It takes a little longer than it used to for the medication to kick in, but all in all, it's still working for me. My cervix is staying strong in there, even with more frequent contractions. So that's the good news!

With all of this on our minds, the past few days could have been very long. But as I've said, my family was here to keep me company and provide me with the best medicine of all. From toe games and sippy cups to Halloween hats and Hansy-poo stories, I don't think I've laughed that much in quite some time! But what made the visit even better was being able to watch the smiles on my family's faces and know that they, too, were having a great time.

We could all use a little more laughter in our lives!

To My Family: How Can I Thank You Enough?

Heather went above and beyond!


Katherine and Kai cookies !!


Safari Cupcakes!


Heather helping me with my plate


Could this preemie hat get any cuter?


Adorable giggling toys from Papa!


Rocking Surfin' Elmo from Nana!


How can I thank you enough?


I had so much to say to my family on the day of my baby shower, but the tears and emotions kept them from coming out of my mouth! So I will do my best here to say the thanks that I meant to tell you on that day. I was thankful that I wrote out a letter for Heather to thank her for hosting the shower for me, and I wish I had done the same for you all. You can be sure that the tears are already flowing from my eyes as I write this...

So many things, where to start? You know that I have looked forward to this moment for so long and for so many different reasons. You've listened to my times of heartache and have always been there with words of encouragement and support, no matter what obstacle I had just encountered. I was bummed early in the pregnancy when I was told I wouldn't be able to fly home for a shower. But what bummed me out even more was the fact that I wouldn't be able to really 'share' my pregnancy with you...to show off my baby bump and have you feel the babies move in there. When I ruined the surprise that you were planning on flying to Heather's for a shower for me, I instantly had tears and felt so ecstatic and so honored.

And then we had a few glitches recently, and you didn't hesitate to change your plans and bring the shower down to me in San Diego. You rolled with the punches and kept my spirits high - and gave me some added determination to keep these babies inside of me. The past few weeks of bedrest have been long and boring, but I really had something to look forward to with your visit. It couldn't come soon enough!

I was so giddy with excitement for you to see my growing bump and feel these babies moving inside of me. This is definitely a time that I miss you guys more than ever. And my heart aches when I begin to think about the things in our future that I won't be able to physically share with you. Thank goodness for emails and digital cameras and video cameras, and hopefully some cheaper airplane tickets in the future.

As if flying across the country to see me wasn't enough, you were all so extremely generous with the gifts for the twins. I was overwhelmed with all of the presents - you certainly went above and beyond. I can't thank you enough for all of the wonderful presents. These babies are already spoiled! Wish you could (again) help me put everything away in the nursery, mom.

It wasn't easy saying good-bye to you all. I wanted to lock you inside my house. (Hmm, against your will, or not against your will..not sure?) I think part of saying good-bye just made it so much more 'real' that these babies could come any time now. Silly, but I just thought there was no way they would come until after your visit for the baby shower. Well, that's come and gone...so the next step will be babies. Let's just hope that it's later rather than sooner. And the next time you see me, I will be a mom.

I am finally going to be a mom...

Baby Shower, Friends, and Fresh Air!

Adorable Cake!


The girls are quite serious with this game!


Opening gifts from my lounge chair...doctor's orders



Love the ballons!


So many wonderful gifts!


The babies' cribs!

This was a great weekend! Saturday our friends Jen and James came over to help Rich put the cribs together. We are very pleased with them and I can't wait to get the rest of their bedding to see the finished product! We'll have to recruit another friend to help Rich rearrange the furniture in the nursery since they're a bit bigger than we first imagined. They are lifetime cribs, so they will convert into toddler beds and then eventually into twin beds. I find myself wanting to sneak peeks at the cribs at any chance I'm up on my feet.

Sunday was my baby shower! Dayna did an amazing job at planning and organizing everything, and the decorations were adorable. I followed doctor's orders and made sure to stay put in my lounge chair. Before all the guests arrived, I had a chance to reflect a little...I have waited for this day for quite some time and it was surreal to look around and know that it was all for me, all for my babies. It was my baby shower! I felt so incredibly lucky as my friends began to gather around. There haven't been very many 'easy' moments for us and this whole pregnancy thing, and I was reminded of that as I had a few contractions and took my terbutaline. But as I opened all of the wonderful gifts from my friends, I had this sense that these babies are going to be absolutely fine and they will be just as lucky as Rich and I are to have such great people in our lives.

After the shower, Rich loaded the presents into the Murano and I reclined back in the passenger's seat. I was a little sad to be going back to my bed, but something about being around my friends in the fresh air made me refreshed and ready to tackle a few more weeks of bedrest. We went through the drive-thru at In-N-Out for vanilla shakes, and then Rich drove me past a house down the road from ours that is decorated with huge spiders for Halloween. The little things that I take pleasure in these days...

More of the same...

Today's verdict: More of the same.
Our interpretation: Great news!!

We saw the perinatologist again today. I have to admit that I was quite nervous for today's appointment. I layed awake most of the night, wondering if I would need to be re-admitted to the hospital.

Rich and I were both quiet on the drive there. Both with busy minds, I suppose. It was nice to get a change of scenery though, after 9 straight days of being cooped up. The ultrasound tech began with the growth measurements on the babies, and it was so great to peek at them again on the 'big screen.' (The images are displayed on a huge plasma TV screen for us to watch as they do the ultrasound). Both babies weigh around 1 pound, 7 ounces, and both are in the 5th percentile for growth. Tiny little monkeys! But the doc's are not overly concerned at this point because there is no evidence of something being 'wrong' to contribute to their low percentiles. They have healthy placentas, good blood flow through their umbilical cords, plenty of fluid surrounding them, and they meet every other criteria they should be. So they're just small. And obviously Rich and I are not big people, so it would be a little strange to have two giants in there. Personally, I think they're absolutely perfect.

Then Dr. Kelly collected a Fetal Fibronectin sample, which basically would indicate if I was at high risk of delivering in the next two weeks. We don't know the results yet, but whether the results are positive or negative, we are not changing the management plan: Bedrest, and of course my friend Terbutaline.

Next was the cervix check, which was generally the same as it was a week ago. It's still short, and it's still funneled...but it hasn't gotten any worse. Which is great news!!!

I can do more of the same...

It's Too Soon!!!!

In the hospital...

24 weeks

Tuesday, October 7th we 'turned' 24 weeks. I woke up feeling so accomplished, so proud to have made it to this milestone. Little did I realize how quickly my feelings of accomplishment would turn into fear and desperation.

I was thankful to be doing administrative work that day, and ran up to the perinatology department for my 'quick cervix check.' Be back in about 15 minutes. Well, an hour and a half later, I came back down to the L&D floor, but this time as a patient. My cervix has shortened significantly with signs of what they call 'funneling,' basically meaning it's preparing for delivery...much too early. I was put on the monitors and found that I was contracting quite frequently, with a lot of uterine irritability in between the contractions. The doc's chose the aggressive route with two different kinds of medications to control the contractions, and thankfully my body responded well. IV, antibiotics, continuous monitoring, and steroids to help the babies' lungs mature sooner. All the things I do for patients on a routine basis...only this time I was the patient, and these were my own babies I was concerned about. We talked briefly about the possibility of transferring me to UCSD because they have a higher level NICU, and I think that's when it really hit home that all this was really happening to me, to us, to my precious little babies.

I didn't sleep a wink the first night in the hospital. I sent Rich home to sleep, because I knew he wouldn't sleep at all if he was there, and I could call him if I needed him and he could be there in 10 minutes. I just didn't want him stressing out too much, and wanted him to know that I was okay, and that we were all going to be okay. Once I was left alone, my thoughts began to get the best of me and my mind went into overdrive. After all we've been through, I just couldn't believe this was happening. Only 24 weeks. I knew enough to keep my emotions in check because my body simply could not handle any more stress. I began contracting quite a bit more that night and recieved more medication - and soon I could feel my heart pounding through my chest and my hands shook uncontrollably, a few of the side effects of my new-found friend Terbutaline.

Heather arrived that morning, and as soon as I saw her face I felt like I could breathe again. For some reason, I knew nothing was going to happen to me, to us, as long as she was by my side. Kind of crazy, because what control does she have over my body, right? But her presence eased my mind and kept me busy, and she brought tons of snacks and chocolate and books and magazines and movies and more...along with a good luck Bamboo plant. The bamboo did prove to be good luck because I had very few contractions the rest of that day. We hung out and watched movies and drank chocolate shakes. Bedrest with Heather is the best. Dayna and Charles stopped by to visit with Brayden, and that little guy can put a smile on anyone's face. During times like these, it really makes you appreciate the friends you have in your life - especially when your family is 2000 miles away. Heather spent that night with me on a cot next to my bed, and layed awake with me while I contracted again at 3am and recieved more terbutaline.

Thursday I had another scan in perinatology, and thank goodness my cervix hadn't gotten any shorter than Tuesday's scan. So the perinatologist consulted with my OB doctor, and soon my IV was coming out and Rich was headed in from work to pick me up! Yea, I got to go home! On strict bedrest of course, and taking the terbutaline to keep the contractions away if they're more than 6 an hour...but there's nothing like your own bed.

My day is consumed with lying either in bed or on the couch, literally counting contractions all day long to see when I need another dose of terbutaline. I've found that I have the most contractions in the afternoon and around 3am, so typically I need my friend 'Terb' twice a day right now. Rich has been such an amazing support. If I'm on my feet or sitting upright more than a few minutes at a time, I begin contracting. So he's been an absolute godsend to me and these babies, making my meals and making sure I'm comfortable and not contracting. He has a lot on his shoulders now - literally everything around the house is on him. As guilty as I feel when he's rushing around doing chores or making me dinner, I know that my job is more important than his right now...keeping these babies inside of me is the biggest job I've ever had in my life. But I am so appreciative and feel so incredibly lucky to have Rich as my husband. I don't know if I could do this without him.

When hearing the news, some people respond with, 'wow, you're lucky - all you have to do is lie around all day.' But truly, bedrest is quite difficult, especially on your mind. Of course the little aches and pains, especially on the back and neck. But the hardest part is the emotional aspect of all of this. There is a sense of terrible guilt that you're failing them, that you're not doing your best, that you're not being a good mom...even though I feel no control over my body and what is happening right now. These babies mean the world to us, and they have to be okay. There are no guarantees in life - we've certainly learned this. But I wish someone would guarantee me that they will be okay, that I can do this, that they will stay inside of there and keep growing bigger and stronger.

On Thursday we have another appointment with the perinatologist to recheck the babies' growth as well as another cervix check. Hopefully my cervix will stay strong with this week of bedrest and terbutaline and I will be able to come home. If I need to be re-admitted to the hospital, I'm okay with that too - whatever is best for the babies. The girls at work will take phenomenal care of me, as they did last week. But for now I'm enjoying my ocean view from my bed!

I used to say I was hoping for two 5 pounders. Now I'm just hoping for each new day, for each new week. For nothing but two healthy babies. Time for a consultation with my friend 'Terb'...

Could they be hiccups?

Nice catch, Rich!


Catamaran Cruise with Dayna and Charles


Watch out Brayden...he might steal your chainsaw!


Opening Gifts


Brayden's 1st Birthday Cake!



23 weeks, 3 days! And I think someone in there might be getting the hiccups...

For the past few days, I feel rythmic movements for a few minutes, and then it goes away. You can even watch my belly button rise and fall every few seconds. I know babies get hiccups all the time while in-utero, but it's amazing to feel them already at 23 1/2 weeks.

The babies are both doing well. Our little girl is now the smaller twin, and we will continue to keep an eye on their growth. For now, I'm still working on chowin' down as much as I can...the goal is two 5 pounders, and so far they're right around a pound each.

Last weekend we helped our friends Dayna and Charles celebrate their son Brayden's first birthday party. I was fortunate enough to take care of Dayna during her labor and delivery, and I was even the first person to physically touch him. I'm bummed that I'll still be on maternity leave when she delivers her next baby this March, but I'll make sure she's in good hands and I'm hoping to be there as a visitor this time. The weekend before that, the four of us went on a catamaran dinner cruise. Our financial advisor invited us on the cruise as a client appreciation gift.

Rich also got in his first lobster dive of the year last Sunday. He went with Michael, and they each came back with one good-sized lobster. Apparently there were tons of lobsters around, but none that were big enough to keep. One thing is for sure, you certainly would never find me down there grabbing for lobsters in the middle of the night! Crazy husband of mine...

I've had a few busy days at work lately, which my uterus hasn't been so appreciative of. Wednesday I found myself contracting every 5 minutes for awhile, and they even started to get a little uncomfortable. I had to sit down, put my feet up, and hydrate like crazy. They did eventually go away. But they were certainly a reminder that this 5'2" frame is under a lot of stress carrying twins, and I need to focus on what's best for them. If I plan on keeping them in there for the long haul, I must slow down.

And keep on eating....time for a snack!

Bring on Fall!

Our Pumpkin!


Carrying on Grandpa's tradition


Rich picking up more stones...they're everywhere!


Rich with Nala and Raja...the nightly ritual


21 weeks, and very vein-y!

For the first time in many years, I am actually ready for summer to end. (Although when does summer officially 'end' in San Diego?) I guess it just means that I'm that much closer to my due date, and holding my precious babies in my arms. One day at a time...

Most of our pumpkins are orange, and the engraved names turned out perfectly. Now we need to drop them off for the kids. Not many people in San Diego have heard of 'personalizing' a pumpkin! I've discovered a new favorite...hot apple cider. I can't wait to take a trip up to the little mountain town, Julian, where it feels more like fall. Like a good ol' Wisconsin Fall, with changing leaves and crisp air, complete with festivities in the apple orchards and pumpkin patches...and of course, the famous apple pie.

We can now physically watch both babies' movements just under my skin. Our baby boy has officially found my right rib-cage...He apparently likes to stretch and poke his little foot out where we can see it right under my ribs! And that's just the beginning...there are 8 growing limbs moving around in there!!!!

Attack of the Dots!

So I've always had a few 'Strawberry Marks' here and there...I guess it comes along with the fair skin. But in the last few weeks, each morning I wake up I have a few more red marks on my chest or arms. Apparently it's caused from an increase in estrogen. A friend of mine asked if my cat scratched my chest. "Nope, they're just my dots." And they're everywhere! Wonder if they'll stick around when my estrogen calms down once the babies are born..??

Both of my recent doctor's appointments went well. (I'm officially 20 weeks and 2 days today.) It was fun to watch the babies moving on the ultrasound and actually feel them moving at the same time. Our little girl is quite the mover now - she recently kicked Rich's hand so hard that she made my bellybutton move! She must be squishing her little brother down there, as I don't feel him as often as I feel her. She also had her cute little tush right in her poor brother's face at the last ultrasound appointment. Brotherly and sisterly love, already.

Rich had his first experience at Babies'R'Us last night - and did quite well! We met after work to finish registering for a few bigger items. Thankfully I had a list of only 6 things we needed to look at, and he was happy to be in charge of the little scanner-gun. Give him a 'toy' and he can be busy for hours. :) I've had lots of practice already. Ha! We then went to dinner at PF Changs, which by the way has been my only real craving so far this pregnancy. We shared a giant bowl of soup and the chicken lo mein...and for the first time in 12 years, we managed to finish an entire meal. Well, there were four of us eating, after all!

Good Times, Good Friends

Our good friend Heidi was visiting from Wisconsin over the long holiday weekend. We had such a great time and it was so good to see her and show her our new house and my newly expanding wasteline.

Rich is cousins of Heidi's cousin (confusing, I know) and has known her since preschool. Almost like family, but sharing no blood. I officially met Heidi about 4 years ago when she moved to San Diego. It was one of those friendships that you didn't see coming. She has become one of the closest friends in my life, and has remained that way even with moving back to Wisconsin to the cranberry marsh 2 years ago. Being a twin herself, she is so excited for us and for our twins. She is definitely part of our 'family' now, and I just know that 'auntie Heidi' will be part of our lives forever.

Update on the babies: I'm feeling great and the babies are moving more and more each day. Rich tries to feel them when they're the most active, but they still seem a little shy to give their dad's hand a good kick. Soon enough! I can distinctively tell who is who in there, and since our little girl is a bit bigger at this point, I can feel her the most. He occupies the 'bottom bunk' and she occupies the 'top bunk.' We have an appointment with my OB-doctor this Friday, and another appointment with the perinatologist next Tuesday. They're growing quite well in there, as evidenced by the pictures I'll post of our fun weekend with Heidi...